When it comes to talking dirty to one’s partner, some find it alluring and others feel completely embarrassed and want to run for the hills. Nevertheless, in the times that we’re living in with world-wide pandemics, strict lockdown orders, and seemingly perpetual quarantine, using our words as a substitute for touch is important now more than ever.
According to Sharmistha Dubey, chief executive of Match Group, owner of dating groups including Tinder, OkCupid, etc., there has been a swarm in traffic across multiple dating apps since the end of February, noting an increase of the average number of daily messages by nearly 30 per cent. So, now makes the perfect time to get acquainted with mastering the art of dirty talk through sexting and preparing for what to say when meeting your hook-ups in person when it’s safe to do so.
For tips and tricks to keeping things sexy via dirty talk
With this in mind, it made perfect sense to speak with Florence and Reed of ComeCurious, their YouTube channel dedicated to all things sex and dating, and ‘F**ks Given’, their award winning podcast about the candid exploration of their guests’ sexual histories.
Why do you think dirty talk is automatically a turn-on for some people?
“Dirty talk ignites our imaginations, especially in a fantasy situation that might not happen in reality. It also means that your partner is super focused on you and your pleasure and the situation, their mind isn’t wondering what to have for dinner. It’s great for being in the here and now,” Florence and Reed commented.
“Porn is definitely a key component to why people love dirty talk so much, it’s what they’re used to wanking over, so why wouldn’t it turn them on IRL. With dirty talking, you can be anyone, have any scenario, back through history, or be an alien! You can make sex whatever you want! It’s like listening to a live-action erotic novel.”
Was there ever a point where you lacked confidence while talking dirty?
And if so, how did you eventually become more comfortable with it?
“I’ve definitely had loads of moments where I’ve lacked confidence when it comes to dirty talking. I get stuck in my head, wanting to say something but the words just don’t come out! I always feel like what I’m going to say it going to turn the other person off. For me, I have been able to get over this when I’m with a partner that I’m feeling super comfortable with, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen and that’s okay too! It’s completely normal to not be into dirty talking,” Florence says.
“Maybe it’s because I’ve always gotten off on dirty talking that I find it easy, but I’ve also practised a lot because of my job with webcamming. My partner of 6 years has never been into dirty talking, and I completely respect that, I don’t want to push him into something he’s not comfortable with. If he wanted to get better at dirty talking, my advice would be you have to face your fears to confront the confidence issues. Proving to yourself that you won’t sound as stupid as you think and getting through it can be a really enjoyable experience for both of you!” Reed adds.
Sometimes people don’t enjoy dirty talk because they simply don’t know what to say next. Do you two have any specific go-to phrases for dirty talk that you’d like to share with others as a template?
“If you’re with someone who’s struggling to dirty talk, prompt them, ask them what they’d want to do to you. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you’re a completely different person, play out some role-play scenarios. You can have fun with it, it doesn’t always have to be serious to be sexy. It can be playful, you can fall in and out of character, and test the boundaries of what each other are comfortable with!” Florence and Reed suggested.
“For example, you could lead with a role play like a doctor scenario, doing a full body check-up. Or if you’re not into role play, the classics are what you want them to do to you, what you are going to do to them, or someone else. You can even describe the sensations you’re feeling ‘My pussy is so wet’ or ‘I can’t wait to have you inside me.’ With dirty talk you can never be too cringey, it’s all about the way you say it. Just say it with confidence!”
In addition to Florence and Reed’s suggestions, here are other specific ways to dirty talk like a pro:
• Tell your partner about what you plan to do to them and then ask them what else they want to happen. For example, tell them “I want to bend down in front of you and wrap your dick around my lips while making eye contact with you in desperation for you to grab the back of my head and face fuck me. What would you want me to do next?”
• When sexting, include voice notes in your messages. Auditory stimulation also plays an important role in desire and sexual response. Practice your “bedroom voice” and describe your sexual fantasy to your partner.
• Recall a favourite past sexual experience. Ask them if they remember the time when you two had sneaky sex in public at one in your relationship. Then they can build off those memories by elaborating on what made that experience so hot.
• Send visual imagery. Whether it be a sexual gif or a spicy porn scene, send it to your partner as an illustration of what you want to do to them.
Ultimately, dirty talk can be incorporated into sexting and face-to-face sexual communication in multiple ways. Using erotic language unleashes a new layer of a person’s sexual personality, and the more comfortable each person becomes with expressing what they want in bed, the more anticipation and pleasure they’ll get out of unlocking the limitless erotic desires of their mind.
Tatyannah King, is a sex coach for the blex app and sex blogger for Swoon, The Odyssey’s only published content channel for dating & relationships, and tabú, a modern and approachable guide to sexual and mental health. For further reading, you can view her latest articles here.